Beyond Wants and Needs: Unraveling the New Year’s Resolution Conundrum

Navigating the Maze of Resolutions: A Journey from Wanting to Needing for Lasting Happiness in 2021″

Beyond Wants and Needs

As the calendar flips to a new year, many of us find ourselves in the familiar territory of making resolutions. We want to be healthier, happier, and more successful. We want to shed those extra pounds gained over the holidays and become the best versions of ourselves. But in the pursuit of these desires, have we stopped to consider the distinction between what we want and what we truly need?

In the complex landscape of the human brain, the line between wanting and needing is often blurred. Our brains, evolutionarily hardwired for times of scarcity, still push us towards collecting extra energy resources, even though our modern lives no longer necessitate such survival instincts. The neurological default that once ensured our ancestors’ survival during famines now drives us towards overindulgence, particularly in the realm of food.

The Stanford stress study sheds light on how our brains react under different cognitive loads. When faced with increased mental demands, individuals are more likely to succumb to the allure of quick energy fixes, like a slice of chocolate cake, over healthier options such as a bowl of salad. The brain’s unconscious desires, driven by the amygdala and the dopamine neurotransmitter, often lead us down paths that may not result in sustained happiness.

The distinction between wanting and needing becomes clearer when we apply it to common New Year’s resolutions, particularly the ubiquitous goal of losing weight. It’s easy to say, “Yes please, that second slice of freshly home-baked cake sounds great!”—clearly a desire. But the realization that “I need to lose weight if I’m going to run a 10K” brings us into the realm of necessity. This year, the key to happiness may lie in shifting our focus from wanting to needing, lifting a metaphorical weight off our shoulders and, perhaps, our bellies.

Willpower, often thought of as the driving force behind resolutions, proves to be a fragile ally. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for conscious willpower, pales in comparison to the unconscious emotional power of the amygdala. Setting too many resolutions overloads the prefrontal cortex, leading to chronic stress and a weakened willpower that is ripe for failure.

Enter self-determination theory, which delves into the study of motivation. The theory suggests that contributing to others’ well-being satisfies our psychological and emotional needs, ultimately making us happier. It introduces the concept of driving our “CAR”: Competence, Autonomy, and Relatedness. Achieving a sense of competence, making choices that align with our autonomy, and fostering authentic connections with others are key components of a fulfilling life.

As we navigate the pursuit of happiness, it’s crucial to strike a balance between caring for ourselves and contributing to others. Ambitious goals are commendable, but the motivation behind them should align with leading a meaningful life and building fulfilling relationships. Finding ways to contribute to others while improving our own lives can be a powerful motivator.

The bad news is that most people don’t achieve their New Year’s resolutions. Weight loss, the most common goal, is particularly challenging to sustain through self-directed motivation. Instead of fixating solely on personal goals, consider reframing them in the context of others. Make it about having the fitness to play with your kids or the ability to go for a run with a friend. Social engagement not only improves motivation but also reduces stress, with weight loss becoming a pleasant by-product of a healthier lifestyle.

Difference Between Needs and Wants [Examples explained]

To make lasting changes, consider adopting the principles of “Tiny Habits,” as advocated by Dr. BJ Fogg. These small, incremental changes offer immediate rewards, aligning with our brain’s desire for a dopamine hit. Rather than setting lofty goals, focus on achievable steps that contribute to your well-being and happiness.

In the wake of a challenging year, the magic resolution for 2021 might just be finding joy in helping others. The tough get happier by becoming helpers, and the pursuit of happiness becomes a collective endeavor. As we embark on this new year, let’s prioritize meaningful connections, incremental changes, and the well-being of not just ourselves but those around us. After all, true happiness may be found in the delicate balance between personal aspirations and shared joys.

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