Breaking Free From the Dreams Others Choose for You
For many immigrant families, success has a very specific meaning.
Become a doctor. Become a lawyer. Become an engineer. Get good grades, attend a respected university, find a stable career, and build a life better than the one your parents left behind.
For some children, these expectations become motivation. For others, they become a heavy weight to carry.
Growing up as the child of immigrants, I learned early that my life was not supposed to be entirely my own. My parents had sacrificed almost everything to give their children opportunities they never had. Their hopes were placed on us long before we were old enough to understand what those hopes meant.
My parents left Hong Kong in the years before the handover. Like many others, they were uncertain about what the future would bring. They left behind familiar jobs, friends, family, and a place they knew for a country they had never even visited.
They eventually settled in an outer suburb of Melbourne, Australia.
They arrived with little more than determination and a dream of creating a better future.
Then they had two children.
Before we were even old enough to dream for ourselves, our futures seemed to have already been planned.
Doctor. Lawyer. Engineer.
Anything else might be considered disappointment.
The Childhood That Was Supposed to Build a Future
From a young age, achievement was not simply encouraged. It was expected.
I learned to play the piano almost as soon as I was physically able. When I wasn’t at school, I practiced scales, memorized music, learned sight-reading, and worked through pages of sheet music.
Saturday wasn’t a day to relax.
My sister and I attended Chinese school, where we learned Mandarin. After that came tutoring—not because we were struggling, but because we were expected to stay ahead.
The goal was always to achieve more.
Higher grades.
Better schools.
Scholarships.
Selective programs.
More opportunities.
Sunday meant church.
In between all of this were homework, exams, studying, and more piano practice.
From the outside, it might have looked like the perfect childhood for creating a successful future.
But there was a problem.
I wasn’t happy.
I had little time to discover who I was. I didn’t have many hobbies. I struggled to connect with other children because their lives seemed completely different from mine.
I was constantly studying while other kids were learning how to simply be kids.
Eventually, the pressure caught up with me.
By the time I reached my final years of high school, I was exhausted and burned out. I had become so focused on meeting expectations that I had never really stopped to ask myself an important question:
What do I actually want?
The Cost of Living Someone Else’s Dream
My sister followed one of the traditional paths and studied physiotherapy at university. But after graduating, she discovered something important: being qualified for a career doesn’t necessarily mean you will enjoy doing it.
That realization taught me something, too.
Sometimes fulfilling someone else’s dream can be just as empty as failing to fulfill it.
We often hear about the sacrifices immigrant parents make for their children. They leave their homes, work difficult jobs, save money, and build new lives because they want their children to have opportunities.
Those sacrifices are real.
But there is another side to the story.
Children can begin to feel that they owe their parents a particular kind of success.
And when their dreams don’t match their parents’ dreams, they may feel guilty for wanting something different.
I eventually realized that I couldn’t spend my entire life trying to repay my parents by becoming someone I wasn’t.
I needed to discover myself.
Finding a Different Definition of Success
I eventually found my way into creative arts.
Instead of memorizing answers, I became interested in questions.
Why do people behave the way they do?
What motivates us?
Why do we become obsessed with certain things?
Why can a tiny imperfection bother someone so much?
Why do pride, ego, and greed affect our decisions?
Most importantly, what makes a person happy?
I began observing people and learning from them.
I saw kindness.
I saw courage.
I saw generosity.
I saw strength.
I also saw insecurity, selfishness, and fear.
And somewhere along the way, I began to understand myself.
I tried different careers and different roles. I became a student, waiter, business partner, business owner, editor, and reviewer.
I was capable of doing many of these jobs well.
But being good at something didn’t automatically make me happy.
That was another important lesson.
Success and fulfillment are not always the same thing.
A New Definition of Success
For much of my childhood, success meant external approval.
Good grades.
Prestigious careers.
Financial security.
Respect from others.
But as I grew older, I began to understand that those things could never completely answer the question of whether I was living a meaningful life.
My aspirations continue to change because I am no longer chasing someone else’s definition of success.
I am searching for something much more personal.
A sense of purpose.
Meaningful connections.
Personal growth.
And ultimately, happiness.
Perhaps that is what my parents were searching for when they left Hong Kong all those years ago.
They wanted something better.
Maybe “something better” doesn’t always mean a bigger house, a prestigious career, or a higher salary.
Maybe it can be something much simpler.
Maybe something better is simply having the freedom to become the person you were meant to be—and being happy with that person.
For immigrant parents, the sacrifices made for their children are often enormous.
But perhaps the greatest reward isn’t seeing a child become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer.
Perhaps it is seeing that child become a good person who is genuinely happy.
And maybe that’s a definition of success worth passing from one generation to the next.
Source:
- https://youtu.be/KHPxSVfc024?si=VNaZW63EmNHG9yTH
- https://www.theage.com.au/culture/books/as-a-child-of-immigrants-my-choice-was-clear-be-a-doctor-or-be-a-disappointment-20220805-p5b7o9.html
- https://chatgpt.com/
- https://toolkit.artlist.io/
About Author
